
Assertiveness and self-confidence
Finding Your Voice: Building Assertiveness Alongside Self-Confidence
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Many people struggle to assert themselves effectively due to low self-confidence. The two are closely linked – believing in ourselves lays the foundation for communicating our needs and setting healthy boundaries.
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The Connection: Assertiveness and Self-Confidence
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Assertiveness isn’t about being aggressive or domineering; it’s about confidently expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, respectful, and honest manner. When our self-confidence is low, we may find it difficult to stand up for ourselves, fearing rejection, conflict, or simply feeling that our opinions don’t matter. This can lead to passivity, resentment, and an inability to protect our own well-being. This, in turn, can lead to resentment if we find we don’t get heard, or get our needs met, or find ourselves going along with things we’d rather not do, or even being taken advantage of by those around us.
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Examples of Lacking Assertiveness and Self-Confidence
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Workplace Situations: An employee might hesitate to ask for a well-deserved raise or promotion, fearing they might be seen as pushy or ungrateful. They might also avoid speaking up in meetings, even when they have valuable ideas to contribute.
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Personal Relationships: Someone might struggle to set boundaries with friends or family, agreeing to plans or favours they don’t want to do, just to avoid conflict or disappointing others. This can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed or taken for granted.
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Social Interactions: In social settings, a person might find it difficult to introduce themselves or join conversations, worrying about being judged or rejected. This can result in missed opportunities to form meaningful connections.
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Customer Service: An individual might avoid returning a faulty product or complaining about poor service, fearing confrontation or feeling that their complaint isn’t valid. This can lead to frustration and a sense of powerlessness.
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Psychological Paths to Empowerment
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Psychological therapies offer an invaluable toolkit for simultaneously building self-confidence and fostering assertiveness. As always, understanding how we’ve got into particular behavioural patterns, the problems with these, and the potential benefits of making changes, is key. Here are some widely used approaches:
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Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT helps identify the negative thought patterns that undermine your self-belief and your ability to speak up for yourself. This therapy helps you challenge these thoughts, develop more realistic and empowering perspectives, and gradually practice assertive behaviours in safe, controlled environments.
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Schema Therapy: If low self-confidence stems from deep-seated negative core beliefs about yourself, schema therapy can be transformative. It explores the origins of these beliefs, often rooted in childhood experiences, and guides you in building healthier, self-affirming schemas.
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Social Skills Training: Often used alongside CBT, social skills training provides structured practice of assertive communication. Through role-playing, feedback, and exercises, you can hone your skills in areas like making requests, setting boundaries, and managing difficult conversations.
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Mindfulness-Based Approaches: Mindfulness techniques promote self-awareness and self-acceptance. By becoming more aware of your inner critic and practicing self-compassion, you can start to silence those doubts and approach assertive communication with greater trust in yourself.
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Additional Strategies
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Alongside these therapies, several practices can boost assertiveness and self-confidence:
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Practice in Low-Stakes Situations: Start building your “assertiveness muscles” in everyday situations with less emotional charge. For example, politely returning a faulty item in a shop or providing constructive feedback to a colleague.
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Celebrate Your Victories: Acknowledge even small instances of successful assertiveness. This reinforces positive self-regard and fuels further confidence.
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Surround Yourself With Support: Confide in supportive friends or family who encourage you to practice assertive communication.
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A Journey Worth Taking
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Developing assertiveness and overcoming low self-confidence is a process, not a single event. Be patient and kind to yourself. With professional support, you can expect to make real progress. Most therapists will be able to help, though they offer different ways of going about it, so explore the different therapeutic approaches offered by therapists at Holborn Psychotherapy Practice to find what might suit you best.
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Keywords:
Assertiveness, self-confidence, building self-confidence, assertive communication, cognitive behavioural therapy, CBT, schema therapy, social skills training, mindfulness, psychological therapies, self-belief, healthy boundaries, empowerment, self-awareness, self-acceptance, inner critic, self-compassion, therapeutic approaches.
Choice of approaches
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
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Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
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Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
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Psychodynamic Therapy
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